Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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