can u get pink eye on your cock?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
