I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I cannot find my penis.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
