worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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