I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
