he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
