when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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