that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
