"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
