and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think I sprained my soul last night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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