So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
