WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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