Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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