so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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