I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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