you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
