i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
