do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
