i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
