3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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