gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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