oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
