So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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