She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
