Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I am available for nakedness
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
