he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
