A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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