I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
