did you get engaged???
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
