Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?