i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess