i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
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the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
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I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"