I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
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Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
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All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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