I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
