I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
bring money and cleavage
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
