oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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