Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
