dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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