i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
