he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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