im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
