how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
