I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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