I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
