So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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