What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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