Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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