Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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