can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I AM VODKA MAN
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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