is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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