we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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