Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
