If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
