I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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