he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
