come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
