So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
