She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
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All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
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Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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