dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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