weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
