i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
