Me too!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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