On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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