This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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