Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
