***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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