8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You were trust falling into bushes
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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