She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
