Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
