He uses pillows to masturbate.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
