walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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