New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
