Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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