Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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